Why do men need attention? Why do they need to be validated? Men need to admired, recognized, and have their emotions acknowledged. Many men have normal needs for attention and validation, while other men have an unhealthy need for attention, which their family and friends need to know how to deal with.

Normal Need for Attention and Validation

People, especially men, want to be truly seen. Emotional validation and acknowledgement are deep needs they have.

Humans are hardwired to seek social connections and validation. When emotional needs aren’t being met, they tend to participate in attention-seeking behaviors. Men especially tend to rely on social status and recognition that is linked to their ability to attract a wife and provide for their families.

A man’s emotional well-being depends on self-esteem, social acceptance, and emotional validation.

• Validation is a significant driver of attention-seeking behavior. Low self-esteem or insecurity can occur when a man is seemingly being overlooked and not being validated.
• Masculine identity is often tied to achieving the ideals of strength, success, and independence. However, men crave acknowledgement, recognition, and appreciation for these qualities.  
• Seeking attention is a way for men to express their emotional needs and feel heard and understood.
• Loneliness is a common problem that can result in an urge to seek attention, even in people who don’t normally exhibit attention seeking behaviors.
• Jealousy can happen when someone feels threatened by someone else currently getting all the attention.

Personality disorders like ADHD, anxiety, bipolar disorder, or narcissism can also result in attention-seeking behaviors.

Unhealthy Need for Attention

Constantly “needing” attention can be unhealthy.

Unhealthy behaviors people who need attention sometimes display include causing conflicts, lying and embellishing stories, faking helplessness, constantly looking for sympathy, and needing to be complimented. For example, a person might fish for compliments by pointing out their achievements and seeking validation. Or they may pretend to be unable to do something so someone will help, teach, or watch an attempt to do it.

Men who need unhealthy attention from others could consider going to therapy and speaking to a professional. They can keep a journal to become more self-aware of their attention seeking behaviors. Many people need to build their self-esteem in a healthy way. They could consider using daily Scriptures and positive affirmations. Surrounding themselves with supportive people can also help. There may be support groups that could provide the support they need.

How to Deal with Someone with an Unhealthy Need for Attention

Set clear boundaries instead of automatically indulging the whims of a person who continually seeks attention.

Communicate with them privately about any issues you are noticing.

Be understanding. The man may have deeper needs than attention. They could have image or self-esteem problems that they need freedom from.

Action Step

If you notice someone has attention-seeking behaviors, talk with them about what you are seeing. If it is constantly recurring, it may be best for the person displaying the behavior to visit with an experienced mental health professional, so the behavior doesn’t become manipulative or harmful.

May God bless you on your wellness journey!

Joni

P.S. What experience do you have with attention-seeking men?