Personal Story

I remember having numerous bouts of “mom guilt” when my children were little. My husband was a traveling salesman and was on the road from Monday morning to Thursday evening. I was trying to do everything for each of my children, home school, manage our household, teach Sunday School, and care for extended family members from afar. I was struggling to keep my head above water and experienced shame and guilt because I couldn’t get everything done that I thought a mom needed to do.

I knew I needed to take some time for myself so I could have a positive outlook on life. But how? One thing I decided to do was to take a few minutes each afternoon to read a few pages of a book I was interested in. It could be fiction or non-fiction. This allowed me to relax for a little while and recharge so I could make it through the hours to bedtime.

Body

“Mom guilt” is the guilt and shame that comes with making impossible choices between competing demands. It is often felt when a mom doesn’t live up to her own expectations or others’ expectations in her role as a parent.

When there are not enough hours in a day to do everything that you think you should be doing, you must prioritize one role over another. This causes guilt.

Mom guilt is also feeling that taking care of yourself Is wrong because everyone needs you and there is no time to take care of yourself. Self-care doesn’t happen because you don’t have time for self-care, and you feel guilty when you do take some time for yourself.

All this mom guilt leads to inner turmoil and a stress response. This can lead to a state of physical and/or mental unwellness. Moms can feel trapped by their responsibilities, and they can start to be resentful. Resentments can build up and create increased blood pressure and heart rate. Some other possible effects of mom guilt are anxiousness, overwhelm, exhaustion, and depression.

Triggers for mom guilt can include pressure that comes from work responsibilities, home responsibilities, caring for children, and doing everything for everyone. All the responsibilities pile up and are hard to deal with and can result in an explosion of temper.

How much better would it be for us to take some time for ourselves? We can model self-care for our children, so we are more relaxed at home and can control our outbursts. This creates a better home life for everyone.

 I am sure you have heard the safety talks on airplanes. Put your oxygen mask on yourself first so you can care for others. This same idea can carry over for self-care. Make a little time for yourself. Take baby steps.

You have an energy bank that cannot run on empty. You need to feed it some deposits of self-care or you will receive penalties. This is a necessity, not a luxury. Caring for your needs is a way to help you care for others better.

What are some possible baby steps you can take on your journey to wellness in this area of your life? Start small: Try to find 5 – 10 minutes daily or at least a couple of times a week.

What fills you up? Reach out to a good friend to talk about struggles or the guilt you are feeling. Meditate on God’s Word. Read a book. Do some breath work. Walk outside in nature. Take a bath with some Epson salts or essential oils. Get a manicure or pedicure.

Are you a primary caretaker for several people and trying to take care of everyone? Do you wear a superwoman hat? Are you frantically nurturing, caring for your spouse, parents, elderly parents, children, work, church, managing your household, etc.? Set manageable expectations for what you try to accomplish in a day or a week.

Action

Give yourself permission to take a small amount of time for yourself. Begin to scheduling time at least 2 or 3 times a week to take a 5 – 10 minute self-care break. In-between times, be sure to take a break when you feel the pressures rising. Self-care calms the nervous system and nourishes the soul. If your symptoms of mom guilt, anxiety, and depression are severe, contact your doctor, because these can lead to depression.

May God bless you on your wellness journey!

Joni

P.S. What do you do about mom guilt?