Having launched five adult children, there are several things I would have spent more time teaching my young adults when they were in the transition stage to adulthood. One of these would be helping my young adults have growing independence and start taking ownership for their healthcare needs earlier.

Becoming Women and Men

Each of my husband and my children were taught from the time they were babies that their bodies were their own and that they were to take care of their bodies by eating healthy food, getting enough sleep, moving their bodies, protecting their private parts, and other healthy behaviors.

In addition, I helped my daughters prepare for menstruation well in advance of the big day. I provided several forms of information for them to read, and we had discussions so that they were not unprepared for the event that signals the transition to womanhood. We purchased needed supplies and explained how to use them.

My sons also had chapters to read, and my husband took them on a one-on-one date to discuss the topic of manhood so they would be prepared for changes their bodies would be going through and understand the responsibilities that would be theirs.

These were the gentle teachings for the journeys our children were on toward becoming adults and the need to balance their independence and their health needs.

Independence Is a Crucial Step toward Adulthood

Children ages 12 to 18 can begin to have more responsibility for their health care decisions and they can develop self-advocacy skills and become well-equipped to manage their health as they transition into adulthood. The amount of independence should be based on individual readiness and an assessment of the young person’s capabilities. For example, at around age twelve (or even earlier), children can start to understand their illnesses or health conditions; around age fourteen, young people may begin to ask and answer questions during their doctor’s visits; and sometime around age seventeen, young adults can begin to collaborate with their parents to choose their own primary care physician and keep track of their own appointments. Parents continue to encourage responsibility and accountability by allowing the young adult to make doctor, eye doctor, dentist, and/or orthodontist appointments with the parent standing nearby to coach them and providing a safety net to help answer any questions that arise.

Other ways a parent can help the young person make steps toward health independence include the following:

• Protect the young person’s privacy and safety so they have the freedom to discuss personal concerns, ask questions, and seek guidance from their health care team.
• Allow the youth to build trust, by trying things and either succeeding or failing, without criticism.
• A parent can ask a young adult to prioritize things related to their health and be a sounding board as they decide what to tackle first. Discuss food choices, exercise, friendships, and other lifestyle choices that make a difference in a person’s health.
• Let your young person take the initiative to make changes as they become aware of the need to start, or stop, an activity.
• Teach young people, both ladies and gentlemen, how to cook nourishing food. This involves meal planning, finding recipes, grocery shopping, preparing, and serving meals and treats.

Supporting A Young Person While Becoming Independent

Some ways to support a person who is becoming independent and learning to oversee their own health include the following:

• Express your love and support for them.
• Respect your young person’s emotions and do not belittle their fears but guide them to a better understanding of what is going on in their bodies or life.
• Teach your youth to stay safe- stranger danger, drugs, and choosing good friends are a few topics to explore on this statement.
• Acknowledge the growth your young people have made in decision-making and completing health goals. This will encourage them to continue the work involved in becoming a well-balanced, healthy person.
• Guide your young person during times of distress.

Remember to set healthy boundaries for your young adult. First, get clear on your values and focus on important areas. For example, how should your young person and everyone else in the family treat each other or how should they conduct themselves outside your home? Knowing your values will help you determine what boundaries you want to set for your young person, whether it’s around household chores or dating. Make rules that support those values. For example, you might say no name calling, yelling, or slamming doors in the house. Or maybe you decide to have your family eat together at least four times a week. Setting these boundaries lets the young person have freedom to make decisions, while still enjoying enjoyable interactions with their parents and siblings.

Action Step

How are you going to help your young adult balance independence and health? Are you intentional in providing the education and support they need to become adults who know how to navigate their personal health and advocate for themselves if the need arises? Teach your child what to expect as their body goes through changes, provide opportunities to practice making decisions, and give them the support they need to succeed in becoming independent and learning to oversee their own health.

May God bless you on your wellness journey!

Joni

PS What experience do you have with helping young people achieve balance between independence and health?