In the last year or so, I have been listening to a podcast called Gospel Matrescence: Navigating Motherhood Together, hosted by Andie Davidson. In September 2024, she aired Episode #28 – “The Life Quadrant.” In this episode, Andie reviewed a book called Leisure: The Basis of Culture, by Joseph Piper. The book’s premise was that we have four areas of life that need to be balanced so we feel like we have a peaceful life. Many times, we spend most of our time in one or two areas and neglect the others. This causes us to be out of balance and feel the strain that it causes in our lives. This affects the relationships we have with our husband, children, families, and others. Here is Andie’s overview of the four quadrants:

• Work (For financial gain, extrinsically motivated, job/ trade, profit earning, servile arts, specific skills that apply to vocation, chores)
• Amusement/Entertainment (Activities that relax us or make us laugh, somewhat frivolous to give the mind a break, a-muse meaning not to think, movies, fiction books, entertainment)
• Leisure/Scholé (Intrinsically motivated, avocational activity, liberal arts, learning for the sake of learning, seeking truth, goodness, and beauty, never concerned with profit, politics, or productivity)
• Rest/Sabbath (Rejuvenating the physical body, contemplative prayer or worship, aesthetic rest – exposing yourself to beauty, recreational rest, meditation, reading)

We can look at the four quadrants and come to a decision on how we want to live and balance our lives. In this blog, I would like to focus on leisure and how it relates to spouses.

Leisure Is the Foundation of Culture

Leisure is not idleness. It is a different kind of work. As Piper says, “It is an attitude of mind and a condition of the soul that fosters a capacity to perceive the reality of the world.” “Leisure” is the first foundation of any culture because it allows time for contemplating God. These days, people in our society often work too much. We participate in amusements and entertainment at a hectic pace, but these activities are not restorative or restful. We need to regain silence and insight through rest and Sabbath and improve our ability for non-activity, so we do not destroy our culture. We need leisure!

Married People Can Experience Leisure Together

Scholé is an ancient Greek word that means leisure. Leisure refers to a type of learning that emphasizes undistracted study and thoughtful contemplation instead of productivity. You might recognize it as a root of the English word “school.” Thinking about leisure as a hobby may help us get the right picture.

To experience this type of leisure as a couple, we might start by taking time as individuals to list the activities that we feel would bring us scholé. You can look at the above overview to evaluate your activities to see if they fit the guidelines of the scholé quadrant. For example, ask yourself, “Is this activity for profit?” If the answer is yes, it is not a leisure activity.

When my husband and I discussed our leisure activity lists, we did not have a lot of overlap between the two of us. He tends to be active and likes many sports or other active endeavors. My list of activities included reading, playing piano and guitar, baking, knitting, gardening, walking and spending time in nature.

Once you and your spouse have your lists, come together to see what activities are on both of your lists. Most likely you can find one or more that you both enjoy. If not, continue talking about what interests you have shared in the past. What did you do when you were dating or newly married? Let questions like these help you find activities to do to relax and re-connect.

Schedule Time for Leisure

Once you have some ideas for scholé, choose one you would like to do together. Find a date and put in in your calendar. Be intentional about relaxing together.

In discussing activities to do together, we found that walking or hiking was an activity that we both enjoy. It was in the middle of winter when we discussed this, so we were not able to put a hike on our calendar for that week. However, we both like to read and play cards or board games, so we chose a book to read and discuss and scheduled a game night to provide a point of connection and relaxation.

Action Step

Take some time this week to create a list of leisure activities you would like to consider and ask your spouse to make a list, too. (You could ask a friend to make a list if you don’t have a spouse or if the spouse is unavailable for some reason.) Discuss your options and then choose an activity. Find a date and write in on your calendars. If you need to purchase supplies, get them on a list and plan a time to purchase them. Go into your leisure activity with a sense of fun and adventure. Making regular time for leisure activities can result in a more peaceful and healthful life.

May God bless you on your wellness journey!

Joni

PS What leisure activities have you done with your spouse lately?

Resources:

https://podcastaddict.com/gospel-matrescence/episode/183137746https://tsony.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/leisure_the_basis_of_culture.pdf